Nodes of term nuns

The Smiths had tried for years to have a child and not having had  any luck, decided to use a proxy father to start their family.

 On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off.  The man should be here soon".

 Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer  rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.  "Good morning madam. You don 't  know me but I've come to...."

Mrs Smith and the photographer

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.
He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
 
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

Gorgeous redhead

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and  said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

Why you should not flirt

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."

Four Catholic mothers

A new young monk arrives at the monastery and as with all new monks he is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church  by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not  from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the headabbot to  question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be  continued in all
 of the subsequent copies.

The New Monk

It turns out that there's a scientific and logical explanation for why people (mostly men) spend so much time in pubs and only get home in the early hours of the morning. The reason for this odd behavior is based on Einstein's famous Relativity Theory.  It works like this: it is a well known fact that the more you drink, the faster you move.

Pubs and physics

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.  Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."

The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."

Polish divorce

This is a quick story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers. It's allegedly true and might help to confirm your belief in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

The little girl and the builders

Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted

A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

Dyslexic man walks into a bra

A seal walks into a club...

A man walks into a pub, goes up to the bar "Pint of best" he says to the bar man, Whilst waiting for his drink he notices that Vincent Van Gogh is sitting at one of the tables He goes up to him and says "Are you Vincent Van Gogh?"
"Yes" the old man replies
" do you want a pint?"

Quickies

For a happy marriage:

it's important to find a woman who cooks n cleans

it's important to find a woman who makes a bit of money

it's important to find a woman who likes a good time in bed

most of all, it's important these three women never meet
 

For a happy marriage for a man

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