Catholics

Four Catholic mothers

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."

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A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed.

Blonde mortician

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.
He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
 
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

Gorgeous redhead

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.

Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

A man escapes from prison

It turns out that there's a scientific and logical explanation for why people (mostly men) spend so much time in pubs and only get home in the early hours of the morning. The reason for this odd behavior is based on Einstein's famous Relativity Theory.  It works like this: it is a well known fact that the more you drink, the faster you move.

Pubs and physics

This is a quick story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers. It's allegedly true and might help to confirm your belief in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

The little girl and the builders

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two  female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
     
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to  have some  fun?'"
     

Four Parrots and a Priest

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."

Four Catholic mothers

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
 
And then the fight started...

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My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....

And then the fight started

Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted

A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

Dyslexic man walks into a bra

A seal walks into a club...

A man walks into a pub, goes up to the bar "Pint of best" he says to the bar man, Whilst waiting for his drink he notices that Vincent Van Gogh is sitting at one of the tables He goes up to him and says "Are you Vincent Van Gogh?"
"Yes" the old man replies
" do you want a pint?"

Quickies

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