Man’s point system


THE MAN’S POINT SYSTEM: (more appropriately named ‘You Can’t Win’)

For all you guys out there who just can’t figure it out, here itis:
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes  & points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects… Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed…………………………………+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows………………………………………….0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets…………-1

You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings………………………………..+5
But return with beer …………………………….-5

You check out a suspicious noise at night …………..0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing…….0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something….+5
 You pummel it with a six iron…………………….+10
   It’s her father…………………………………-10

You leave the toilet seat up………………………-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it’s empty…….0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…………………………………………-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom………………………………………..-2

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party……………….0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy……………………..-2
> Named Tiffany……………………………………-4
> Tiffany is a dancer………………………………-6
> Tiffany has implants……………………………..-8

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner…………………………0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar ..+1
 Okay, it is a sports bar………………………….-2
 And it’s all-you-can-eat night…………………….-3
 It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team……-10

THOUGHTFULNESS

You forget her birthday completely………………..-20
You forget your anniversary………………………-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station……….-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey……………………-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast………..-60

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go out with a pal ……………………………….-5
And the pal is happily married ……………………-4
Or frighteningly single ………………………….-7
And he drives a Mustang………………………….-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED) ……..-15
You have a few beers……………………………..-9
And miss curfew by an hour……………………….-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn’t call……..-20
You get home at 3 am…………………………….-30
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars ………………………………………..-40
 And not wearing any pants………………………..-50
 Is that a tattoo??……………………………..-200

HER NIGHT OUT

You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work…………………………………+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home real late…………………………….+10
You wait up…………………………………….+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed……………………………………..+20

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie…………………………..+2
You take her to a movie she likes………………….+4
You take her to a movie you hate…………………..+6
You take her to a movie you like…………………..-2
It’s called DeathCop 3……………………………-3
Which features cyborgs having sex………………….-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans………………………………………..-15

FLOWERS

You buy her flowers only when it’s expected………….0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it………………………………………….+20
You give her wildflowers you’ve actually picked yourself……………………………………….+30
 And she contracts Lyme disease……………………-25

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly………………..-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it………………………………………+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts……………..-30
 You say "I don’t give a damn because you have one too"………………………………………-800

FINANCES

You spend a lot of money on something impractical……-5
Something she can’t use…………………………-10
Such as a motorized model airplane……………….-20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday……..-40

DRIVING

You lost the directions on a trip………………….-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost…….-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town ……..-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal……………………..-25
You know them…………………………………..-60

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?"………………………..-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding……………………….-10
You reply, "Where?"……………………………..-35

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression…….0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes…………………………………………+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV………………………………………+10
She realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep…..-20


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