Think before you speak… Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak – FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow And asked loudly, ‘How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?’ I turned around and walked back out and […]

UNIVERSITY  CHALLENGE   (BBC2)   Jeremy Paxman:     What is another name for ‘cherrypickers’ and cheesemongers”s? Contestant:              Homosexuals. Paxman:                   No. They’re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.   BEG,  BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)   Jamie Theakston:   Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant:             Geography isn’t my strong  point. Theakston:              There’s […]

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’ I said, ‘Dust.’   And then the fight started… ****************************************** My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you […]

Jack woke up with a killer hangover after attending his firm’s Christmas Party.  He didn’t even remember how he got home. It’s 8.30. What day is it? Thursday. His wife must have gone to work.  As he struggled into consciousness through the fog of a pounding headache, his stomach plummeted as he wondered what the hell he […]

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back: 1. Weightlifting commentator: ‘This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.’ 2. Dressage commentator: ‘This is really a lovely […]

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, […]

THE MAN’S POINT SYSTEM: (more appropriately named ‘You Can’t Win’) For all you guys out there who just can’t figure it out, here itis:In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes  & points are subtracted. You don’t get any […]

Two peanuts walk into a barOne was a salted A sandwich walks into a bar.The barman says "Sorry we don’t serve food in here" Dyslexic man walks into a bra A seal walks into a club… A man walks into a pub, goes up to the bar "Pint of best" he says to the bar […]

For a happy marriage: it’s important to find a woman who cooks n cleans it’s important to find a woman who makes a bit of money it’s important to find a woman who likes a good time in bed most of all, it’s important these three women never meet 

The Smiths had tried for years to have a child and not having had  any luck, decided to use a proxy father to start their family.  On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I’m off.  The man should be here soon".  Half an hour later, just […]